I started going to church again. I knew that there is a Russian Orthodox church in Santa Barbara, but I never went in almost 9 years of living here. I just didn't feel the urge. But things have been a bit rough for me lately, and somehow I found my way in there.
It made me realize a couple of important things. Sometimes we have to experience something bad or difficult in order to wake up and think about something more important than us. Or, as in my case, to realize that I am not as strong as I think, and it's actually OK.
The most difficult thing was to not only come to church but shut down the inner critic while being there. Religion and spirituality, in my opinion, are not meant to be understood. They must be felt. What helped me when I was standing there during the service, thinking how ridiculous everything was, was to shut down my rattling mind, close my eyes and imagine that my chest is opening up to the powerful energy of the church. To feel that God is there and it's really up to me to open up and accept. It's like the sun -- it's always there, even on a rainy day when it's covered by clouds, and just because we can't see it behind the clouds, it doesn't mean it's not there.
In my nutrition school, they always said that the food we eat is just a secondary food. The primary food, food that nourishes us the most, is actually our relationships, work, hobbies, and, of course, spirituality. I can't agree more.
What is spirituality for you?
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